


(and if I can't have everything) well then just give me a taste

by nilyn (escherzo)



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M, Open Relationships, Sibling Incest, Stage Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-27
Updated: 2008-04-27
Packaged: 2017-11-18 15:36:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/562636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/escherzo/pseuds/nilyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard is all over Mikey onstage lately.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(and if I can't have everything) well then just give me a taste

Gerard is all over Mikey onstage lately.  
  
It’s more than he used to do, and more often—like he was with Frank, only they laughed about it afterwards amid comments of “gave them a fucking good show.” He and Mikey just don’t talk about it. Mikey tries to bring it up and he shrugs, says nothing, changes the subject.   
  
It’s only escalating, like he’s trying to outdo himself. That or find the breaking point, the point where Mikey finally tells him to stop (or wants him to). He hasn’t found it yet and Mikey is beginning to think there is no breaking point, and the only thing that’s going to make any of it stop is when they get arrested for indecent exposure onstage. Not on Gerard’s part, of course, but at this point Mikey wouldn’t be too surprised to find himself half naked onstage with Gerard wrapped around him.  
  
Every move Gerard makes is calculated and Mikey knows it. He’s trying to drive Mikey half out of his mind.  
  
And it’s working, too.  
  


  
  
At the next show, Gerard saunters up to him and leans in, nosing at Mikey’s neck and then leaning further up, scraping teeth just lightly right at the one place under Mikey’s jaw that he knows is a weak spot. Mikey’s had more dates find that spot and exploit it than he can remember. But this is  _Gerard_  that’s doing it, and it’s Gerard that makes him whine, high in his throat, tipping his head back. It’s dangerously close to Gerard’s mic but it doesn’t matter, the crowd can still see him even if they can’t hear him.  
  
He can barely hear the roar of the crowd over his heart pounding in his ears and the notes thudding through him as he tries to keep on playing. It’s harder when Gerard moves only to press more firmly against his back, so close he can feel the buttons of Gerard’s vest digging in, the sweat on his arms, hair falling against Mikey’s neck. He stays only a moment longer, enough to see that Mikey is getting painfully, painfully hard, and then struts across the stage, arms raised high to let the crowd sing a line. He doesn’t look back again for the rest of the song except to give Mikey a smirk, dark and absolutely filthy. Everything about it says  _I know._  
  
After the show he pulls Mikey into a hug like nothing’s happened, and the same mouth that curved into a smirk earlier is grinning, expression innocent and blissfully happy.  
  
Mikey can never figure him out. It’s like he’s an entirely different person once the lights go down, and he doesn’t know how much the guy onstage overlaps with the brother he’s known all his life. He hasn’t seen any sign that Gerard is interested in anything past brotherly hugs and cheek-kisses offstage. Sometimes he makes himself find video of it, because it’s like it hasn’t even happened.  
  
If he and Gerard could joke around about it, even a little— _We’re totally scandalous, c’mere_  or  _Somebody’s got a sign about us again_  or hell, he’d even take a  _I forgot to check the laws in this county, dude, watch out for the guy with the badge over there_  at this point. He can’t pretend it doesn’t affect him. He wishes it didn’t—because it’s one thing to be half of the onstage freakshow and another to think about it once the show is over.   
  
He isn’t sure if it’s more or less twisted to be lusting after his brother considering what his brother does to him on a daily basis.   
  


  
  
At the next show, Gerard kisses him, just on the corner of his mouth, pulling away before he has a chance to respond. And for a split second he wishes Gerard hadn’t, because as fucked-up as it all is, Mikey wants to go after Gerard, lean in and kiss him for real, just to see what he’ll do. The crowd be damned—he could care less if they want to see it or not.  
  
Even so, it’s starting to become something that’s expected of them. The crowd screams, holds their breath when the two of them get close, takes pictures with cameras they’re not even supposed to have. Mikey walks onto the stage every night with the knowledge that people in the crowd are waiting for something to happen.   
  
Mikey’s glad at least that Alicia knows how it gets to him—and how could she not? He comes off the stage some nights and he’s hard enough that he’s practically shaking. He can’t hide that from her. She’s told him she’s okay with it, too, if something happens. “If it was anyone else,” and she only says this in the lulls of noise when they can get a little time together alone on the bus, voice quiet, “it would be different.” But Gerard is Mikey’s brother, and she’s seen the way they come first for each other, always. Even above her, and she can deal with that. They’re family.  
  
Of course, she’s never met any other family in which there is feeling up in front of thousands of people on a daily basis, but still.  
  


  
  
Mikey has almost grown used to it, the adrenaline and the trying to hide his responses and the going to Alicia as soon as the show is over, so he doesn’t have to deal with it on his own. If Gerard could stop pushing it, that is, trying to do something to get a reaction out of him. He can deal with hands slipping down his chest, fingers unzipping his jacket and lips leaning close, Gerard’s tongue hot against his exposed chest, being pulled into Gerard’s body from behind until they’re pressed together, back to front. But then, Gerard has never been one to just accept routine. He drops to his knees in front of Mikey, one night, leaning in and singing close enough that Mikey has to lift up his bass, trying not to shiver at the feel of Gerard’s breath hot against the strip of exposed skin where his shirt rides up.  
  
The rest of the night, Gerard stalks from one side of the stage to the other, smirking every time he catches Mikey’s eye, looking like he knows he’s pushing every button Mikey has. But then the show ends, and offstage he smiles, jokes around, and steals the magazine Mikey was looking at before he went on. It’s like Mikey is dealing with two entirely different people and all that separates them is an audience.  
  
After a while, he decides he’s had enough of it.  
  


  
  
“We need to talk,” he hisses after one show, grabbing Gerard’s arm as they move offstage. Gerard stills, looking over his shoulder at Mikey, and he can feel Gerard’s heart pounding (or maybe his own) from the tight grip he has around his arm. They stand there, unmoving, as the audience clears out and the techs go by carrying instruments and amps.   
  
Once most of the people have cleared out, Mikey relaxes his grip on Gerard’s arm and moves forward, pulling Gerard behind him. He’s intending for them to talk about it on the bus, get some answers or  _something_ , at least to know why Gerard does it, but by the time the buses are in view it occurs to him that they aren’t going to be alone for that talk if they get on, and they need to be.  
  
So he stops, instead, and moves forward, and Gerard backs up, unthinking, eyes widening when his back hits the side of the bus. Mikey reaches out, grips Gerard’s arms tight and pins them to the side of the bus, by his sides, so if something comes up when they’re talking that Gerard wants to run away from he won’t be able to.  
  
“What?” Gerard asks, defiant tone betraying the way his whole body is tense, unsure of Mikey’s next move.  
  
“Why do you keep doing this?”   
  
Gerard doesn’t meet Mikey’s eyes, staring down resolutely at his feet, at the way his arms are pinned, at Mikey’s chest, anywhere but his eyes.  
  
“Gee. Fuck, come on,  _answer me._  Why don’t you ever talk about it?” Still nothing, so he pushes it further. “If it’s just something you’re doing to fuck with the crowd, tell me so. Or—“ He almost doesn’t want to say it, but when he draws back just a little and looks at Gerard, head to toe to see if he can read something in the way Gerard is holding his body, tense, he sees it, and  _oh_. Gerard is hard, obviously so, and Mikey knows he would have noticed it if he had been earlier. It’s the kind of thing he picks up on now. And so he knows it’s from this—from him pinning Gerard to the side of the bus, standing too-close.   
  
“Or is it just your twisted way of showing you want me and you can’t have me?” Mikey moves forward, inches away from being pressed into Gerard, hissing the words into his ear.  
  
Gerard’s face colors and he looks off to the side, and Mikey has a splitsharp moment of understanding. He feels like his heart skips a beat, and when he speaks again it’s barely a whisper, voice weaker than he intends it to come out as. “You told her?”  _And she gave you permission?_  Neither of them need to say which ‘her’ Mikey means, they both know.   
  
Gerard nods, expression pained, and Mikey can almost hear the turmoil inside his head, so he presses forward against Gerard further, chest-to-chest, hands tightening around Gerard’s arms, and murmurs, “Alicia knows about it too.”  
  
He can  _feel_  Gerard freeze as soon as he says it. “What?” he asks, leaning in to speak right against Gerard’s ear. “You didn’t think your weird little brother could want you back?”  
  
Gerard doesn’t say anything but the look on his face speaks volumes, a mix of helpless, desperate lust and fear, like he’s expecting Mikey to freak out at any minute. Like he wants him to just  _do something_. Maybe both.  
  
“You know what’s funny though?” Mikey forces his voice to sound casual, even when he releases one of Gerard’s arms to slide a hand down between them, cup Gerard through his jeans. “You never give me a chance to do anything back.” He squeezes, then, and grins darkly when Gerard bucks forward, biting back a helpless whimper. “Not very fair.” He runs his thumb across the button of Gerard’s jeans, intent, because he’s been getting this kind of thing without any chance to do it back for more than a month, not knowing where he stands, but now he does.  
  
“Mikey, we can’t out here—“ and Gerard’s voice comes out high and desperate, eyes shutting like if Mikey can see them it’ll betray how much he wants this. “Someone could see us.”   
  
“They see what you do to me onstage all the time,” Mikey points out, fingers still playing at the button of Gerard’s jeans, tips dipping lower and under his waistband. “Give me a chance to show  _you_  off for once.” Gerard opens his eyes, just a little, maybe to protest that that wasn’t what he was doing (even though it was) and Mikey takes the opportunity to release Gerard’s other arm and drop to his knees, watching the way Gerard’s eyes widen as he goes down.  
  
He can feel the roughness of the pavement below him, tiny pebbles digging in that he can feel even through his jeans, but he’s more focused on how Gerard is looking down at him, eyes shockingly wide and gone dark, and he leans further forward, pressing his lips against denim.  
  
“Fuck, just.” Gerard says helplessly, and his hands come out to reach for Mikey, to pull him away or push him forward or just hold him where he is. Mikey pulls back, then, fingers coming to rest on the button of Gerard’s jeans again. “No hands,” Mikey murmurs, low, looking up at him with a faint smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “And if you move I’ll stop.”   
  
Gerard makes a tiny, choked little noise and nods, an  _okay_ , and Mikey undoes the button of his jeans, sliding the zipper down and giving another look upwards before sliding them down with his underwear and leaning in.  
  
The first touch of Mikey’s tongue against his cock makes Gerard hiss, bucking forward before he can stop himself, and he realizes that Mikey is serious when Mikey draws back, giving him a warning look like  _don’t do it again_. But he leans back down, taking Gerard into his mouth and sliding down, tongue working when he bobs back up, and he can hear the squeak of sweaty palms against the metal that are Gerard’s hands scrabbling for purchase on the side of the bus. He goes down further, until he thinks he might gag if Gerard moved, one hand reaching out to grip Gerard’s hip, tight, tight enough that he’ll have finger-shaped bruises for a day, at least.   
  
“Mikey,  _fuck_ ,” and he can  _feel_  the tension in Gerard’s body when he’s this close, feel how hard Gerard is trying to hold back and not thrust forward. Mikey moves upwards far enough to grin at that, sucking hard on the head before pushing back down. Gerard isn’t going to last very long like this and they both know it.  
  
Sure enough, it’s only a moment later that Gerard gasps out, “Fuck, I’m going to—“ and Mikey stops, unmoving, lips still wrapped around Gerard’s cock, and when he pulls off it’s only to say “Not until I tell you you can,” before going back down again. There’s a whole new tension that Mikey can feel in Gerard’s body now, the effort of holding back, trying not to come.   
  
“Mikey, fuck, can I—“ Gerard looks down, tone pleading and Mikey stops again, waits. “I—“ and from the way Mikey isn’t moving it’s clear that Mikey expects him to beg, fuck. They both know he’ll do it, too. “God,  _please_ , let me?”   
  
That’s all Mikey needs to hear, meeting Gerard’s eyes and sucking lightly, enough to give him a clear go-ahead without actually having to pull off. Gerard comes, just like that, whimpering high in his throat, and Mikey has to force himself not to choke as he swallows. He pulls back slowly and then gets to his feet, brushing the pebbles off the knees of his jeans.   
  
“So,” he says, just so Gerard knows that things are still okay with him, between the both of them, “if you want me to do that again, just. Keep up what you were doing.” He’s not sure how involved he wants to let them get, because his  _wife_  is on the road with them, even if she knows and gives him permission—but Lyn isn’t, and she knows too, so if Gerard gets to feel him up onstage, he gets to do the offstage show.  
  
Fair’s fair.  
  


  
  
At the next show, Gerard sidles up to Mikey and presses against his back, leaning in to whisper “Does this work?” into his ear before going down and licking a long stripe up the side of his neck.   
  
Mikey grins, leaning into it, and listens as the crowd screams.

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously not real, and stop Googling yourself.


End file.
